Articles #double time

On the days of Elul and Teshri we can strive to be who we can and deserve to be. True, it is not certain that we will be able to persist with this throughout the year, but we can pinpoint the place where we really want to be. And even if it only lasts a short time, it is a good reminder for us, of what we are capable of becoming, if we only try.

A relationship requires maintenance, investment, time and conversation. No matter how long you've been married, if you don't invest in the relationship, it will weaken, and sometimes it will not only weaken but turn from a bond of friendship into a stranglehold. It is very worthwhile to invest from the beginning of the relationship; Even when life is busy, even when there are studies, work and building a relationship at the same time, even after giving birth, even in times of stress and pressure, we must always always remember that our relationship is at the top of our priorities.

The conversations we have with our partners during those days are long, inclusive, attentive and instructive. At the beginning of married life, most couples invest a lot of time in marital learning, ways of communication and building a relationship. More often than not, couples remember with longing the days of the beginning of the relationship when the discourse was flowing, fluent and happened almost effortlessly.

On Shabbat we read in the synagogue about human behavior that destroyed the world, human behavior that brought disaster to humanity, that brought a flood that shook the world and changed it completely. On Shabbat we will also read about the good people who locked themselves in a box and were saved. People who were not part of the evil around them, who during their stay in the ark treated the animals with mercy. People who chose good and stuck to it.

But these days loneliness is harder than ever. All his sisters have returned home with the little nephews, talking about the felt when the husband is in the convention grounds, and only his felt is suddenly not significant enough. Not necessary enough. Not immediate enough.

war time Stress, fear, anxiety, lack of routine and uncertainty. Worries, thoughts, imaginations, tears. Difficulty, fatigue, partial detachment from reality, sometimes even dysfunction. Going to sleep alone in bed, waking up alone at night for the children, going about your business at noon and in the evening alone, shopping, cleaning, going to empty the trash - you do everything by yourself, and there is no one by your side who can help, when you run out of strength. nothing! The reality is not simple, not easy, and part of the difficulty comes from not knowing when all this will end. That's how you go through a day and another day, a night and another night, a noon and another, and here he surprises and foreshadows: "I have 24".

Always remember that the matchmaker is just a conduit. A pipe that connects ends, but the real happening takes place (and sometimes not) between the two. that his job (and right) is to bring them to the well, but from here on out the work is theirs.

So what does the "so what do you do in life" conversation have to do with it now? And why order the other way around when they are still shooting in Ashkelon...

There are still three options available to us: there are those who fight, there are those who run away from this impossible reality, and there are those who feel frozen and disconnected from reality, to the point of dysfunction, confusion, and forgetting names, tasks and routine conduct. It is important to note that each of us can vary from one reaction to another on different days, and as a reaction to different events, but it is likely that each of us has one mechanism that is more characteristic of him. As a couple, it is important to know that each of you experiences reality differently and copes in a different way. Share your way of dealing with each other, respect each other's different way of dealing, and above all, try to help and support each other.

Precisely there it was possible to see who is the rewarder of favors (who watered Eliezer and the dozens of camels), and who is petty and calculating and stingy (and covers the well with a heavy stone that can only be removed together). There are enormous physical powers, who is brave and protects the weak.

We meet those who at the moment asked to stop everything and continue meeting after the war, and we also meet those who, by the time they leave, want to move forward, take another step towards building a house in Israel, and on the way pass the days of the war in a relationship, when there is someone who is interested, who cares, who also has someone Worrying there at home, and with whom to pass calls during the long waiting hours.

The initial location of the Hanukkah candle is "at the door of his house from the outside". Hanukkah invites us to focus on the doorway, to observe the relationship between the inside and the outside, to pay attention to the threshold of the house, to the place of passage, to feel the security that the house gives us, compared to the winds blowing outside. If we have a strong, complete and safe home, a good, stable and loving relationship, we can go out with this light and go through the door.