Articles #Relationships

If we are a strong, complete and safe house, a good, stable and loving relationship, we can go out with this light and go through the opening towards the outside. The winds blowing outside will not be able to extinguish the candles we lit "at the door of our houses from the outside".

Couples learn to respect each other's places as well, but without losing their self-identity within the relationship, and thereby create a strong and stable marital relationship

One of the questions I am often asked (and sometimes in the first conversation) from couples who come to me for counseling is: "How long will it take?" I don't have one answer that fits all couples. But I add and say that one of the elements that can affect the duration is how much you will be able to change the things that require change (which is really not easy!), how much you will internalize and be able to apply the tools you acquire in our meetings, how quickly you will be able to acquire new behaviors, and of course how accurate I am I will be for you.

In a relationship, humor has the power to help us reduce damage and minimize our conflicts. Sometimes instead of continuing to talk about a marital conflict, a good joke can move us from the place where we have already started to dig in without being able to get out. Sometimes the joke is the almost only way out of the unwanted place we have arrived at. It is also possible to use humor as a temporary way out, with the ability to return to the conflict at another time, after we have calmed down a bit.

Holidays and family meals can be difficult for those who want the togetherness. And any advice given here is not always suitable for everyone; There are those who would prefer the offer not to come this time and give them an opening for refuge. There are those who would prefer to be part of the main thing and stop these compassionate looks. And there are those who would like that together with them we get drunk and laugh and shout: for next year with a ring and a canopy.

When someone listens to me, I feel that I am important to him, I feel that what I am going through interests him, and he wants to take part in my feelings and emotions. When someone listens to me, the difficulty I had is divided in two, and if it was a positive emotion it is doubled (yes, it's such a magic...). When someone listens to me, I feel that what weighed me down, already weighs less, and the burden I felt was carried by two. At the same time, it is important to note that, no less than knowing how to listen, it is also important to know how to share. To tell my story in a concise way, with important details but not to bore. Sometimes the partner's difficulty in listening stems from an excess of details, or from going back and forth.

Quarrels between spouses is a sign of closeness. No, this is of course not a recommendation for a fight...

And suddenly the one that I didn't want him just because of age, or the one that I didn't go out with again just because she was too shy... seems like a serious mistake to me (and you can figure out what other significant "criteria" you rejected, which suddenly seem so marginal to you in perspective!) . And suddenly with a little deeper thought, and after another year that has passed, I understand or you understand, that I pushed on because of nonsense. And for a moment I missed the really important things.

Coordination of expectations. It sounds simple but for some reason we forget to do it. Usually, we think that the other party thinks like us, feels like us, and expects the same things from the upcoming trip, couple date or family vacation. If we know there are differences of opinion between us, we prefer to avoid coordinating expectations, and prefer to 'flow', which usually turns out to be the wrong decision. Therefore, I strongly recommend before a joint experience to coordinate expectations. To ask each other how he sees the trip, the vacation, the family meeting, etc., what he expects, what he fears, what he thinks will be difficult for him, what he can enjoy, and how I as a partner can help get through it in a good way.

That is why forgiveness is so important. To know that even if for a second we lost the way, and in the course of life we ​​ignored, refused, divided and hurt the one in front of us, we declare together that we are human. that is allowed to be wrong. That it is permissible to lose one's way, yet this togetherness is important to us and we are ready to start over and accept each other.

It is also important to know how to fight. No, we were not confused. Our recommendation for the couple is to occasionally even fight a little. Why fight? Because keeping it in your stomach, holding back, keeping quiet, giving up again and again at the cost of the anger filling up, the stomach exploding in a moment, is usually a recipe for an explosion. Better to talk, share, open up. Yes, also to complain and grumble. And if necessary then also argue and fight. But this is the way to share with your partner what is on your heart, and this is the way to find a more correct path together. A solution that is better for both of you. And why else fight? Because fighting is an important skill. that it is really important to learn it and practice it. that it is important to experiment with it and do it right. In a way that doesn't hurt, doesn't diminish, and doesn't humiliate or punish. And why else fight? Because reconciliation after a quarrel is a great gift. A moment of grace where we can once again breathe together, dream together, rejoice together. And reconciliation after a fight can bring the relationship to new and better places. So the way of sharing, opening up, fighting and then completing and building a higher floor, this is the way to love. #sorry

​So Shira and Yoni (the names are not real) are like that. They met at a demonstration 13 years ago. They both stood and shouted waving their hands enthusiastically, screaming from the bottom of their hearts, when suddenly their mutual shout remained suspended in the air for a moment, their eyes met and half an hour later they were already sitting together for coffee. There they discovered that it's crazy how they didn't meet before. In so many places their lives overlapped. They were in the same tribe in Bnei Akiva, quite close branches in the same district, so how come they didn't meet in any camp? Both graduated together 3 years ago at Ariel University. And both of them have been participating in Tuesday's demonstrations for a long time.