Articles #שיח

The power of speech is the power in which the first man is endowed and distinguished. As spouses and parents we must use the power of speech to create a true partnership, and an atmosphere of understanding, acceptance and giving between the couple, family members, and from there all members of society.

There is one thing that every couple must do to create a couple life full of appreciation, sincerity and love - share, share, and once again share. Open dialogue and mutual sharing bring the spouse into a living and influential way into the world of the other spouse.

Conversation and humility - both are the mainstay and weaken the connection between people in general, and between spouses in particular. The possibility of the true connection between a person and his friend cannot but exclude these two simple elements, on the one hand, and on the other, so deep and complex.

Every couple goes through crises, challenges or difficulties in their married life. The greatness of a couple's success is to get them together. In the vast majority of cases, in the forces of both spouses while conducting a deep and honest conversation, and seeking the truth out of love, coping and even transcending the crisis.

Our mother Rebecca is a universal question that every person asks himself during his life, "Why is it selfish?" Why did I come into the world? Even in a relationship, it is natural and healthy to ask oneself "why is it us"? And most importantly, do as Rebecca did and demand, seek, answers.

The Torah describes in a beautiful and detailed way the relationship between Jethro and Moses, which indicates the relationship between human beings in general and the relationship between mother-in-law and mother-in-law in particular. If we all know, the older generation and the younger generation, to listen and respect, then the relationship and family ties will be full of joy and closeness.

Stubbornness is one of the worst traits in a relationship, and in its power to lead to lack of communication and lack of sharing; Why have a dialogue if the other side is always right? These things can challenge any relationship. While there is room for the trait of stubbornness, in a relationship it is recommended that we do not use it.

When someone listens to me, I feel that I am important to him, I feel that what I am going through interests him, and he wants to take part in my feelings and emotions. When someone listens to me, the difficulty I had is divided in two, and if it was a positive emotion it is doubled (yes, it's such a magic...). When someone listens to me, I feel that what weighed me down, already weighs less, and the burden I felt was carried by two. At the same time, it is important to note that, no less than knowing how to listen, it is also important to know how to share. To tell my story in a concise way, with important details but not to bore. Sometimes the partner's difficulty in listening stems from an excess of details, or from going back and forth.

And so it is important that we all remember, precisely in these days, that this movement of the exodus from Egypt, this constant reminder of where we have been and where we have progressed is a movement that calls us to be more attentive, more caring, more sensitive.

A relationship is an excellent, exciting and surprising opportunity to check and explore the world of values ​​of each of us. When a couple came to me with a dispute about how often to talk to the wife's mother, I asked each couple to expand a little on their point of view. The woman said that her mother is divorced, and she has an excellent relationship with her. She said that she knew how hard it was for her when she got married (she was the last in the family), and she stayed alone at home. She knows that her conversation is important to her mother, and it gives her a feeling of warmth, security and love. When I asked her, what values ​​underlie her behavior, she spoke of respecting parents, caring for others, doing good, expressing love.

But I often come across a 'strange' phenomenon. Sweet couples, who outside of their relationship are engaged in professions that are all charitable (and there are quite a few such professions), or couples who outwardly are couples who contribute and give to the family and the community. But, sometimes, those people for some reason, do not 'see' their partner. For some reason, their good heart is focused on giving outside the home, but inside the home they behave differently and sometimes even quite the opposite.

And what goes through the minds of our children? What do they think, when they meet 'the one'? Are they satisfied with their choice? Do they also have concerns and question marks? Do they also think, how will she fit in at home? Is it important to them, what we, the parents, will think of her? Are they worried that they will be 'fadihot'? Is it important to them that we like her? Is it important for them to get 'approval' from us?