Articles #תקשורת מקרבת

Coordination of expectations. It sounds simple but for some reason we forget to do it. Usually, we think that the other party thinks like us, feels like us, and expects the same things from the upcoming trip, couple date or family vacation. If we know there are differences of opinion between us, we prefer to avoid coordinating expectations, and prefer to 'flow', which usually turns out to be the wrong decision. Therefore, I strongly recommend before a joint experience to coordinate expectations. To ask each other how he sees the trip, the vacation, the family meeting, etc., what he expects, what he fears, what he thinks will be difficult for him, what he can enjoy, and how I as a partner can help get through it in a good way.

That is why forgiveness is so important. To know that even if for a second we lost the way, and in the course of life we ​​ignored, refused, divided and hurt the one in front of us, we declare together that we are human. that is allowed to be wrong. That it is permissible to lose one's way, yet this togetherness is important to us and we are ready to start over and accept each other.

It is also important to know how to fight. No, we were not confused. Our recommendation for the couple is to occasionally even fight a little. Why fight? Because keeping it in your stomach, holding back, keeping quiet, giving up again and again at the cost of the anger filling up, the stomach exploding in a moment, is usually a recipe for an explosion. Better to talk, share, open up. Yes, also to complain and grumble. And if necessary then also argue and fight. But this is the way to share with your partner what is on your heart, and this is the way to find a more correct path together. A solution that is better for both of you. And why else fight? Because fighting is an important skill. that it is really important to learn it and practice it. that it is important to experiment with it and do it right. In a way that doesn't hurt, doesn't diminish, and doesn't humiliate or punish. And why else fight? Because reconciliation after a quarrel is a great gift. A moment of grace where we can once again breathe together, dream together, rejoice together. And reconciliation after a fight can bring the relationship to new and better places. So the way of sharing, opening up, fighting and then completing and building a higher floor, this is the way to love. #sorry

​So Shira and Yoni (the names are not real) are like that. They met at a demonstration 13 years ago. They both stood and shouted waving their hands enthusiastically, screaming from the bottom of their hearts, when suddenly their mutual shout remained suspended in the air for a moment, their eyes met and half an hour later they were already sitting together for coffee. There they discovered that it's crazy how they didn't meet before. In so many places their lives overlapped. They were in the same tribe in Bnei Akiva, quite close branches in the same district, so how come they didn't meet in any camp? Both graduated together 3 years ago at Ariel University. And both of them have been participating in Tuesday's demonstrations for a long time.

The last year has been unbearably difficult. We live in a complex reality of security tension, continuous worry, uncertainty, political violence, hope for the return of the abducted, and beside us bereaved families, who are dealing with great pain and loss. What can we do in this reality? How can we (those on the home front) help, even a little, and ease this complex situation in which we live? In the midst of all this difficulty, it is love that connects us, and is what gives us strength to continue. Love strengthens us as a society, as a community and as a people. When we rally to support the bereaved families, when we strengthen the people around us in times of uncertainty, we shower love, which serves as a healing and connecting force.

But is it possible to prevent the quarrel? Is it possible to act like the sun and not like the wind even before the quarrel developed? Is it possible to change habits and turn a freezing wind into a pleasant sun? I believe that this is possible, and so that we can work on it, I will offer several points that can help us in the process.

Usually we tend to pay attention to the big experiences, the ones that feel like the essence of life. But the truth is that life itself is experienced precisely in these small moments. Especially in a year like this, in which we witnessed such deep pain, the small moments are the ones that can help us feel connected to reality, and find moments of peace in the midst of the difficulty.