Articles #ייעוץ זוגי

One of the questions I am often asked (and sometimes in the first conversation) from couples who come to me for counseling is: "How long will it take?" I don't have one answer that fits all couples. But I add and say that one of the elements that can affect the duration is how much you will be able to change the things that require change (which is really not easy!), how much you will internalize and be able to apply the tools you acquire in our meetings, how quickly you will be able to acquire new behaviors, and of course how accurate I am I will be for you.

In a relationship, humor has the power to help us reduce damage and minimize our conflicts. Sometimes instead of continuing to talk about a marital conflict, a good joke can move us from the place where we have already started to dig in without being able to get out. Sometimes the joke is the almost only way out of the unwanted place we have arrived at. It is also possible to use humor as a temporary way out, with the ability to return to the conflict at another time, after we have calmed down a bit.

But is it possible to prevent the quarrel? Is it possible to act like the sun and not like the wind even before the quarrel developed? Is it possible to change habits and turn a freezing wind into a pleasant sun? I believe that this is possible, and so that we can work on it, I will offer several points that can help us in the process.

Usually we tend to pay attention to the big experiences, the ones that feel like the essence of life. But the truth is that life itself is experienced precisely in these small moments. Especially in a year like this, in which we witnessed such deep pain, the small moments are the ones that can help us feel connected to reality, and find moments of peace in the midst of the difficulty.

Each of us can recall a smile we smiled, a word we said, or an action we did, and it was interpreted by our partner differently, and sometimes even the opposite, than we planned or thought. Words or actions that were intended for a positive purpose may be received negatively by the other party, depending on the mood, time, feeling, and perspective of our partner at that moment. The context in which we say things, and of course the way we express them, are just as important as what we say.

In our daily lives, we tend to look at different events from one perspective, and this will usually be from the angle that is familiar to us. But for every reality, event, or decision, there are almost always additional perspectives through which we can examine the situation. This knowledge invites us to stop, ask questions, and expand our perspective on reality.

ולכן דווקא השיעור שאנחנו מקבלים ממרים הקטנה, הופך פתאום משמעותי יותר ומלא בנחמה.מרים שמלמדת את אביה ואמה שהדרך לגאולה מתחילה בבית האישי של כל אחד מאיתנו. שבונה זוגיות איתנה, וממשיך להביא ילדים לעולם, למרות העתיד הקשה שמחכה להם.

וכמה אנחנו יכולים ללמוד מתהליך בניית אמון ואמונה מבורא עולם שהוציאנו ממצריים ביד רמה, וקרבנו לחופת סיני לקבל פני שכינה.

לא סתם רצו חז״ל לספר לנו שמתן תורה, בדיוק כמו חתונה, הוא רגע של התרוממות רוח, ושמחת לב גדולה, אבל הוא גם חיים שלמים של לשטוף את הכלים, לקום בלילה לתינוק בוכה, להביא פרחים לשבת ולוותר מי ראשון או ראשונה במקלחת.